


Dear James,

by Avengerz



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Online Friendship, Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 14:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8493817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avengerz/pseuds/Avengerz
Summary: Written for the prompt: "bucky runs an advice blog and tony stumbles upon it, reads it and sees how nice this 'james' person is. so he shoots him a message as well. he sends all his messages on anon, signed -T. It's simple stuff at first like 'how to make perfect roast' but with time their conversation turn deeper and tony opens up abt a lot of things for the first time ever (they don't know who the other is) they talk and fall a bit in love. One day tony forgets to choose the anon option & freaks out"





	

Tony Stark has done quite a few embarrassing google searches in his time. Far too many, really. In the grand scheme of his embarrassments, this is hardly a ping on the radar, but he feels his face flush red as he types the words into the search bar. After all, Rhodey trusted him with watching his niece for the evening while he’s out with Carol, and here Tony is, searching how to hold an infant properly.

The first few articles that pop up are various family or maternity sites, coaching young mothers on how to take care of their delightful newborns. Tony skims them, eyes flickering from his phone screen to Lily (who is still blissfully asleep in her crib, thank god.) 

The articles were clearly written for people more competent with children than Tony, however, and he clicks from article to article with increasing desperation. Finally, one catches his eye - “How To Take Care of Babies - A Guide for Emotionally Stunted Men.” It’s on tumblr, more sarcastic than clinical, and exactly what Tony needs. The author has younger sisters, apparently, and the post talks Tony through holding Lily, feeding her, changing her diaper ( _ew_ ) and keeping her entertained with minimal fuss.

Rhodey doesn’t try to hide his surprise when he comes back to find Lily clean, well-fed, and sleeping peacefully. “I’m good with kids,” Tony protests, of course. “I can’t believe you doubted me. Wait, you doubted me and left me with an infant anyways! That’s negligence!”

Rhodey laughs and promises that he’ll call on Tony next time his sister his out of town and he needs a baby-sitter. Tony bookmarks the blog.

* * *

Tony has a tumblr, of course, he’s a proper millennial, but it’s more of a testament to science and how much he hates his dad than a true blog. So when he messages “James,” the author of plainfuckingadvice, a week later, it’s on anon. Purely to spare the guy his NASA reblogs and angry rants, of course, and not because he’s ashamed to be thanking someone for teaching him how to hold a baby and, _“also do u know how to cook a roast bc my best friends mom is asking me to help with sunday dinner bc apparently she now expects me to be Good At Life and i am Not. thx - T”_ He signs with his initial, of course, because even when sending ashamed anonymous asks on tumblr, Tony has to be recognized.

He asks on Thursday, which turns out to be fortunate when it takes until Saturday afternoon for James to post a reply.

> **I had to teach _my_  best friend how to cook a roast without salting the shit out of it and evaporating all the juices just last week, and if Mr. Great Depression Cooking can do it then so can you, trust me. **
> 
> **First step, calm down. I promise you can Do the Thing.**
> 
> **Second, own an oven. Now pre-heat that motherfucker.**

Tony reads the post twice, then once again while hiding in the bathroom at the Rhodes house. Miraculously, he _doesn’t_  fuck up the roast, and at the end of it all Mama Rhodes beams at him proudly and praises his cooking skills.

_“successfully tricked my best friends family into thinking that i can cook. thank you - T”_

James responds only a few hours later, this time.

> **No problem haha I'm glad it worked!**

* * *

_“oh great james teach me how to convince my lit teacher that i actually read the book about christian teachings and that i’m not the atheist science nerd that i am - T”_

> **Advice from one atheist science nerd to another:** **sparknotes.com**
> 
> **Good luck**

* * *

_“Rhodey (my best friend and roommate) snuck a kitten into our dorm room and i love her with all my heart but also she keeps using my AI robot assistant as a scratching post which is less than stellar. advice? - T”_

> **First of all, god bless your roommate and that kitten. Also, a functioning AI robot? Cool (and impressive) as hell.**
> 
> **Secondly, get an actual scratching post. Or sacrifice your dorm bed. Scratching post is preferred.**

* * *

_“this is an urgent ask james what do i do if a girl i dont know is passed out on my bed bc i just got back from the lab and im exhausted and there’s nowhere else to sleep but obviously i cant climb into the bed with her bc thats creepy af even if i like guys more than girls and am a decent human being and im not gonna hurt her but she doesn’t know that and also idk if shes passed out with alcohol poisoning or if shes hurt or who she is and??? pls help - T”_

Less than three minutes later:

_“oh its okay she’s a friend of my roommate’s girlfriend and shes fine and they just left and im going to sleep now thanks james youre the best - T”_

> **I didn’t do anything lol but you’re welcome. I’m glad that everyone’s okay. Sleep well, T.**

* * *

Howard’s words are ringing in his ears and the taste of cheap vodka is strong in the back of his throat and Tony’s fingers are shaking as he types.

_“waht to dod hwen your dad hatess you but you sstil kindovf want ot impress him? - T”_

It takes three days for James to respond and Tony spends the entire time cursing himself for his idiocy. He checks the blog almost every hour anyways.

> **I’m not gonna lie to you and say that I’m sure that your dad doesn’t actually hate you, because I don’t really know your situation and I know that some people are shitty parents who shouldn’t have kids.**
> 
> **But I also know that you are worth more than the opinion of your father or anyone else. Your accomplishments are valuable and your creations should be cherished. It’s hard to break yourself from old habits and old beliefs, but you should know that you don’t need to seek validation from a man who doesn’t appreciate and doesn’t deserve you.**
> 
> **You have a best friend who cares about you, and, from all accounts, a family that has accepted you as one of their own. You created life, and surely your robot adores you. There’s a baby out there that you successfully fed and changed and rocked to sleep. You care about strangers and you love science and you take care of kittens. **I only know you through anonymous messages, T, but you’re a good person worthy of love. So, quite frankly, fuck your old man. You’re worth more than he’ll ever know.****

Tony never likes or reblogs James’s responses, out of a growing, unnamed fear that James will find out who he is and how much of a whiny nerd he actually is, but he bookmarks the reply and reads it almost every day for the next month. Every time, something warm and painful spreads through his chest, and every time he ignores it.

* * *

_“James today’s my 18th birthday and i still don’t know how to Adult. help. (also sorry for my last message. i promise i won’t burst into your inbox drunk and maudlin again) - T”_

> **Haha oh boy I know I’m 20 and this is an advice blog with a ridiculous (undeserved) follower account but I’m not sure I know how to Adult any more than you do, T. But I’m posting some links below on how to do your taxes, set up a doctor’s appointment, how to write a great resume, shit like that.**
> 
> **(Also, don’t worry about it. I’m here to help, and, honestly, I’m glad you thought I could. I hope I did.)**

* * *

Sometimes, Tony feels like a stalker. He checks James’s blog religiously, and memorizes the rare tidbits of information that James gives about himself like the precious things they are.

He learns, when he asks about dealing with his chronic heart pain, that James has a prosthetic arm. Another ask about mental illness reveals that James struggled with depression, anxiety, and PTSD after losing the arm in Afghanistan two years ago, and still has problems with it.

A question about removing bloodstains teaches Tony about James’s best friend, who can’t keep himself out of trouble, and when Tony’s placed on Lily-sitting duty again, he learns that James actually has three younger sisters, all brats.

A post, unprompted, about how to come out to parents and loved ones, and he learns that James is gay.

* * *

_“You and T are so cute!! I mean, I know this is just an advice blog and you always say the focus should be on the advice and not you as a mod but omg!!! you guys really seem to know each other well and I bet you’d make a cute couple XD”_

Tony stares at the message in mute horror for several long moments. He knows James has an “answer every message” policy, but….come on. More horrifying, though, is that James responded.

> **This is really sweet, anon, but T and I have never met irl (as far as I know), and it seems kind of doubtful that we ever will. My goal is to help everyone I can, but…. yeah. I think T’s a great guy and I hope he’s happy.**

Tony bookmarks that page, too.

* * *

_“my parentss jsut died. fuck i s aid i wouldnt burast inro your inbox drnk again but fkc theyre dead ssitpid fcar crash and i hateliked hated my dad but my momm si dead wyh hwy i loved her ri did nad now i gottto take the ocmpany but i dont wantt o make weapons i dont and why ar they dead i don’t konw what to doi don’t please help- t”  
_

Tony’s too drunk to remember to turn on anonymous.

* * *

He wakes up with a pounding headache, a disgusting taste in his mouth, and a new message in his inbox. Tony doesn’t get asks on tumblr. He has a couple dozen followers, half of which are spam bots, and too much personal shit for people to care much about his blog. He doesn’t get asks on tumblr, and he sees the little blue ‘1′ and his stomach drops.

He wastes half an hour downing a gallon of coffee and half a bottle of aspirin before he resigns himself to his fate and opens his inbox.

> **God, T. I’m so sorry. Fuck. Honestly, I don’t know what to say to make this better. I’m not sure there’s anything I can say. There’s the shit people normally say, about how they’re in a better place now, but you and I don’t believe in that and I’m not here to offer hollow comfort. I’m so sorry and I care about you a lot and I wish I could make you feel better and I’m not sure I can.**
> 
> **But. I’m sure you realized this wasn’t on anonymous and that was probably an accident, but it says in your description that you’re a grad student at MIT (at 18?? I knew you were smart but wow) and I live in Brooklyn which is like three and a half hours away and fuck I know this sounds creepy and weird but if you’d like we could meet up because this sounds even creepier but I’d really like to give you a hug?**
> 
> **I’m sorry this is super awkward and creepy but I’m so sorry that this happened and I wish I could help.**

Tony swallows thickly, reads the message again, and then again. Fixes himself yet another cup of coffee.

Opens up James’s blog. Breathes through the pounding in his chest. Puts his fingers to the keyboard.

_“theres a cafe near MIT that serves great pizza and even better coffee. ill probably be there tomorrow morning with a hangover. care to join me? - Tony”_

> **I’ll see you then, T.**
> 
> **Thank you.**

**Author's Note:**

> Find more of my writing and myself at my [tumblr!](http://anthonyfuckingstark.tumblr.com)
> 
> Comments fuel me.


End file.
